On Friendship...

I've always had amazing friends. For as long as I can remember, very faithful friends. These are the kind of friends that become family as they fluff their pillows and hang their memory pictures right here in my heart.

There are a small number of women in my life that came along a long time ago. They're still here in their very own heart spaces, shaking out the dusty rugs below their memory pictures every so often. No matter what else they're doing here, they're mostly turning on lamps in the dark spaces and speaking a language only we know. Some of them, I don't see often, but all it takes is an old song, movie, a picture, and I remember them and think of them. (one of my best friends from middle school and HS - Terri, I thought about you yesterday when someone was talking about taking "Health" class at the grocery store...they were picking up ingrediants for their first receipe and I know it involved apples...) I remembered the time that you and I hid our dirty dishes in the oven so we wouldn't have to stay after class. Oh My Goodness! I was bright red, laughing so hard right there in Family Fare!

There are a few women whom I've gotten to know in the last 10 years that have had such an influence on me as well. The ones that have encouraged me on the "Mothering Journey". Bringing me cookies and "milk" (ok, really wine! who am I kidding.) When I thought that life was really coming to swallow me up. Some that have helped me along this rough road of parenting and being sick...And others who I know that God has placed in my path to bring me closer to him. (yes girls, it's working...it's just taking me sometime to see that he IS the only way!)

The night before one of my friends got married, she gave me a card that said, "Tomorrow is happening largely because of you." She wrote about how our friendship had taught her that a person can see the beautiful and the ugly, really see it, in someone else, and then that person can still love unconditionally.

After seeing the very worst, we stayed...

"You probably have the most accurate picture of me, and still you are my friend."

(While digging in my closet the other day, I found this card...it pulled on my heart strings a little and made me want to call this friend...I haven't made this call, but if you are reading - just know that I think of you often.)

Isn't that what we want from friendship? Someone who doesn't turn from our dark corners, but reaches for the lamp and our hand at the same time? Don't we want someone who shakes out our heart rugs not because they can't stand the dirt, but because they want us to have that feeling of clean, that freedom. They know we aren't perfect, but they know our hearts. I love that about real friendship. And the laughter. I love the laughter, shaking all the chambers and knocking some of the more unwanted pictures right off the walls.

It's good.

Yet I lost a friend this year. I won't go into detail, one because it's "our" journey...and two because I don't really know what went wrong. I just know that I have felt alone and shattered in losing this friendship. It's on my mind everyday. I know that I'm the dusty old rug in the friendship mostly...BUT I do try to be the one turning on the lights in others hearts...I always wanted to be a good friend to you. If your reading this, I miss you. You will always have your very own LARGE heart space.

So thank you, every kind of friend. The ones that have been here from the start, the ones that are still out there, even though we don't connect like we should, the ones that keep me going daily, the ones that I have lost along the way, the ones that I will meet in the future... My heart is brighter because I know you.