Peace...

Sorry to leave so many of you hanging over this past week, we are still here. In an odd and unconventional way, I'm feeling content. Today was the day we found out for certain Brian's job with Spartan Stores is not redeemable. No Prayer or pleading, no Union or luck is getting his job back. PERIOD. (perhaps a good attorney, but we are not going there.) So one may guess that today was a gloomy day for us. ("gloomy" odd that is one of Kennedy's spelling words this week!)

Today was the first day I left my house in a week. I avoided the phone, hibernated from society, and felt sorry for myself for the last 6 days...15 years of work, gone. The humiliation of being fired, the feeling of defeat, the loss of health insurance - almost too much to absorb. I couldn't speak without crying, my emotions were completely out of control and ultimately I was in shock.

Something in me changed today. I showered, put on make-up, went to the grocery store and brought Dawson to Cub Scouts. I have 5 wonderful kids that are watching how we respond to this life altering experience. I realize that we are learning a lesson, and teaching one too. Brian hated his job. He enjoyed it most when he worked with his dad. (his dad retired 4 years ago) For the 10 1/2 years that I have been married to Brian, each year at Spartan has gotten more difficult. People he once trusted and called Friends began to stab him in the back, he lost hope and faith and really only had but a few guys left he called Friends. I think a part of him left the warehouse with his dad. He will take the memories of working with his dad and the good honest friends with him...he will get to leave the feeling of being a number behind. When Brian called in sick, he had to leave his clock number on a machine. When he sent his vacation requests in every year, it was a number he looked for on the approval list. He hated that. He told everyone, "if it wasn't for the money, I would quit this job". With the economy and the responsibility of 5 kids, he would have stayed there for another 20 years.

I've been in the warehouse, it's dark with cement floors...supervisors watch the guys work on cameras, monitor how long they take in the bathroom and most could care less that you are human. In the summer, the warehouse reaches well over 100 degrees and on occasion they give the guys Gatorade - why they sit in an air conditioned office.

In a few weeks we will celebrate Easter..for the first time in over 10 years, Brian and I will be able to bring our kids to church. Without 20 years seniority, Easter was just another work day for the guys. Some years, before the kids understood the days of the week, we would celebrate Easter on Saturday. So Brian could see the kids hunt for eggs and dig in their baskets. In recent years, he would call home and ask if they were excited. He would want to talk to them on the phone and say "Happy Easter", but often would have to hang up because a supervisor was on his way. I constantly heard the buzzer sound, and Brian say "gotta go, supervisors are coming". Brian would tell me what I could and couldn't grab him for lunch, because of the limited time to microwave and eat.

I suppose I'm thankful that Spartan "let him go". We missed him. I don't know how we will financially muster through this. I'm uncertain where we will be in a year. But somehow, I just know that things will work out. If he makes half the income, but gains respect and happiness from a future employer - I see us ahead.